Download your food delivery and sports betting apps, the NFL is back tonight. Accompanying football are idiotic takes from individuals with a 9-5, such as myself. As a man who’s watched way too much football, here are my 8 division predictions.

AFC East – Yankee doodle downfall

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Joe Brady has been a favorite play caller of mine ever since his 2019 season at LSU. Although Sean McDermott’s firing is a scapegoat for Beane’s inability to manage a franchise, I’m a fan of what Buffalo did this offseason. DJ Moore is underrated, and they added key defensive talent with the likes of Bradley Chubb and Dee Alford.

On the other hand, New England has done the opposite of retain. They lost 104 games worth of starts, the third-highest departure for a super bowl team in the last 20 years. Although AJ Brown is a substantial add, I have a hard time seeing them replicate the same success.

Winners: Buffalo Bills

AFC North – Roaring back to relevance

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The Bengals have been clawing back to relevance for a couple of years. After an offseason of adding Dexter Lawrence, Jonathan Allen, Kyle Dugger, and more, I believe they finally have enough to back the aggressive offense. Additionally, Burrow raved about his offensive line by the end of the season, and they retained all 5 starters.

Lamar Jackson is leading an unsure Ravens team. I don’t think John Harbaugh was the real issue, so I don’t have faith in their current roster. Additionally, I don’t see a world where the nostalgia blinded Steelers or lowly Browns make a run for the crown.

Winners: Cincinnati Bengals

AFC South – Not the first rodeo

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The Texans find their way back. This defense is too great to ignore, and the offensive line is vastly improved. Pressure rests on CJ Stroud’s shoulders, we’ll see if he can lift it.

Indy had more turnovers than Jameis Winston in 2019 when it comes to their roster. Jacksonville is getting a lot of buzz, but Trevor still hasn’t come through when it matters most.

Winners: Houston Texans

AFC West – 5,280 reasons for retention

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In 2008, Tom Brady tore his ACL after a tough Super Bowl loss. The franchise took a while to retool, but they eventually did, going on to win 3 more rings. Patrick Mahomes is currently 2009 Tom Brady. The Chiefs haven’t upgraded enough, and I believe there’s a lot of old blood that needs to leave the building.

The Broncos held on to their talent while adding Jaylen Waddle. On paper, there’s no reason to believe they won’t hold their division reign.

Winners: Denver Broncos

NFC East – Stars in the making

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The Cowboys went all in on defense. Adding Caleb Downs, Jalen Thompson, Cobie Durant, Rashan Gary, and Jaishawn Barham are all pieces for Christian Parker’ in his first year calling the defense’s first year putting the puzzle together. As long as this defense is average, they have enough offensive firepower to clinch the East.

Philly and Washington have already begun a retooling process that I need to see to believe. The Giants had a fantastic offseason, but I need to see more than just heart from Dart to be confident in their future.

Winners: Dallas Cowboys

NFC North – Gare bears

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I can’t talk about the Bears without poking fun at the potential Gary, Indiana move. However, their roster makeup is anything but a joke. Defensively, they added further talent to complement the already-stout side of the ball. Offensively, the young core is expected to take a leap forward.

In my opinion, this is the division most in the air. Any of these 4 teams could win, and I wouldn’t be surprised. However, I’m worried about Green Bay’s ability to stop the run and Detroit’s secondary.

Winners: Chicago Bears

NFC South – Carolina on my mind

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Last year, I emphatically called out the Panthers and their core’s development. I believe that carries over, and the surplus of linebacker depth in free agency gives them a ceiling they didn’t have last year.

Tampa is in professional sports purgatory. Not good enough to be a contender, too much talent to be a bottom feeder. Atlanta has too many injuries and suspensions to overcome the first half of their schedule, and New Orleans is already focused on the draft.

Winners: Carolina Panthers

NFC West – California love

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I know I know, I’m giving you takes you can’t find anywhere else. On a serious note, if you’re a fan of the program, you know I was high on them all last season, and they almost made the Super Bowl. Add Myles Garrett, Aaron Donald, and the slept on Trent McDuffie? I don’t see anyone beating them out of the NFC.

Seattle will present a case for reformatting playoff seeds, because they’ll be a 12+ win team that will have to play a Wild Card game on the road. It’s a shame for them, because they’re a top two NFC team who just so happens to be in the same division as the other best.

Winners: Los Angeles Rams


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